Letting go of expectations

Six years ago today, I left Austin, Texas. Stopping for the night in a small town 50 miles outside the city, I was really curious if I was still in Austin’s blue-state enclave or whether I had passed into red-state territory again. I decided to interview a local resident to find out.

Inside a gas station convenience store, I found a woman working behind the counter. “Is it politically aligned with Austin?” I asked her about the town. “Or is it liberal, or is it … ?”

“Oh, I don’t even know what that word means,” she replied.

I stopped.

“Oh. Like, Democrat or Republican?”

“Yeah, I don’t know what those words mean. You’d have to ask my sister. She’s in school. I don’t know what those are. I don’t know the difference.”

Embarrassment came over me, along with disappointment.

“Okay,” I said, trying to save face.

“Sorry. Yeah. Wrong person.”

We then talked about the area, including the local antique show. But I wanted to try my question again, because this woman, I had stubbornly decided, would serve as my source for political views here.

I asked if she had heard that Ted Cruz gave a concession speech in the Republican presidential primary, paving the way for front-runner Donald Trump to face Hillary Clinton.

“I don’t,” she started off, speaking a mile a minute. “Honestly, I think — I mean, honestly, I think — I don’t think Bill Clinton’s a lot better of a president, besides the dirty laundry. […] With her being there, don’t you think, I mean … ”

This wasn’t working.

“Do you think a lot of people feel that way around here?” I prodded.

“I think so,” she shot back. “Don’t you?”

I realized this woman was not going to be the person I wanted her to be.

Rather than go on about politics, I asked her about herself. She told me she had lived in the town for 13 years but planned to go back to Oklahoma, where she was from and where her mom still lived. She had a 4.0 grade-point average but dropped out of school. She liked to gamble and lost her driver’s license over a DWI. In addition to taking care of her dad here, she took care of her brother’s children, and took care of her friend’s grandmother when she was sick, and took care of her husband’s four children when they were married for eight or nine years. “I always thought I was making the next right move, but it doesn’t always, you know, lead you to the right place,” she said. “But live and learn.”

This woman offered me two important lessons: First, while you may hope that someone will say or do something to fit your narrative, it may not be destined to happen. Let go of your expectations. Instead, try to appreciate what you can about them. Second, differences between people — in geography, in profession, in knowledge, in aspirations — make life rich. Take them as valuable, because they can be a great teacher, not just of facts, but also of empathy.

How about you? Who is someone you had some preconceptions about, or expectations for, who wound up enriching you in an unexpected way? Share it with me, and the world, on our Facebook page.